MARRIAGE AT THE GATES Excerpt from my latest book: God’s vision for marriage and its architecture.

God is a God of purpose, design, order, and intentionality. Nothing He creates is random or without meaning. Every marriage He ordains carries within it a specific assignment that contributes to the advancement of His kingdom purposes on earth. Some marriages are designed to demonstrate reconciliation across racial or cultural divides, becoming living testimonies of the unifying power of the gospel in a fractured world.

Others are called to pioneer new territories for the gospel, serving as apostolic units sent into regions, nations, and spheres where the kingdom has yet to take root like Priscilla and Aquila in Acts chapter 18. Some are anointed to raise a godly generation of leaders across various fields of endeavor, understanding that the home is not merely a place of comfort but a training ground for world-changers.
This is precisely what the Psalmist captures in Psalm 127:3-5, where he declares that children are not merely a biological outcome of marriage but a gift and a reward from the Lord.

The imagery he employs is striking and intentional. He compares children to arrows in the hand of a warrior, and a warrior does not simply collect arrows. He aims and releases them with precision, with force, and with a clear target in view. In the same way, God-ordained marriages that bring forth godly children are not simply producing the next generation for the sake of continuation. They are loading arrows into a quiver with the full intention of launching them into the future, into cities, nations, cultural mountains, and even into generations yet unborn.
The blessed man, the Psalmist says, is the one whose quiver is full, not because of the number alone, but because those arrows will not be ashamed when they stand at the gate and engage the enemies of God’s purposes. The gate, in the ancient world, was the seat of authority, the place where decisions were made, laws were established, and power was exercised. Godly children, raised in purposeful marriages, are therefore destined for places of influence and authority.

This dimension of understanding begins to fundamentally realign how we see marriage. It moves us beyond a romanticized view of two people simply enjoying each other’s company, and positions marriage at the gates of nations as a prophetic instrument through which God launches His intentions into realms, cities, nations, and frontiers that extend far beyond the present age.

Some marriages are specifically designed to open the gates of righteousness into the arena of leadership, bringing integrity and transformation into the corridors of political influence for the purpose of national reformation. Others are appointed to engage the sphere of entrepreneurial and marketplace influence, where issues of economy, commerce, and systemic justice are confronted with kingdom authority and governmental wisdom. Still others are called into the arts, academia, medicine, or technology, carrying the weight of divine purpose into spheres that desperately need the presence and the standard of God.

Yet the sobering reality is that very few marriages actually arrive at the fullness of their God-given assignment. Not because the calling was not real, but because of ignorance of that calling, and because of the lack of character refinement in both parties. Assignment always requires character as its container. Without the inner formation of both husband and wife, the weight of the assignment cannot be sustained, and what was ordained to be a kingdom instrument becomes instead a site of personal conflict and spiritual stagnation.

This is why visionary insight is not optional in marriage. It is essential. The moment we lose sight of the direction and objective of why we are in a relationship, the joy and fulfillment we ought to derive from it becomes elusive. It slips through our fingers like water, leaving us grasping at empty promises and unmet expectations. We begin to evaluate our marriage based on feelings rather than purpose, on temporary satisfaction rather than eternal significance, on personal comfort rather than kingdom calling. And in doing so, we reduce one of God’s most powerful instruments of transformation to nothing more than a social arrangement designed for our own convenience

This lack of visionary insight and divine wisdom is the core reason most marriages today are turning into areas of pain, dissatisfaction, and regret. What was meant to be a source of blessing, enrichment, and inspiration to others has become a burden and a frustration. What was designed to bring fulfillment has produced self-defeat and regret. What should be characterized by joy is instead marked by disappointment and disillusionment. What ought to be a sanctuary becomes a battlefield. What should release life becomes a source of death.

And here is the critical insight that we must grasp: this widespread marriage crisis is not happening because the parties involved are not trying their best. Many couples are working harder at their marriages than ever before. They attend conferences and seminars. They read books and listen to podcasts. They seek counseling and apply relationship principles. They implement communication techniques and conflict resolution strategies. Yet despite their sincere efforts and genuine desire for improvement, they remain stuck in cycles of conflict and confusion, trapped in patterns of disappointment and dysfunction.

Why does this happen? How can people try so hard yet experience so little transformation? Because they are seeking to fix or run the marriage outside the environment heaven designed marriage to function within. They are applying human solutions to spiritual problems. They are using natural tools to address supernatural issues. They are building on foundations that were never intended to support the weight of covenant relationship. They are working with blueprints drawn by human wisdom rather than divine revelation.

Marriage was designed to function within an environment called paradise. When we hear the word “paradise,” our minds often drift to images of a physical garden with lush vegetation, flowing rivers, and perfect weather. We think of the Garden of Eden as merely a geographical location where the first couple lived. But paradise today is not merely a place or a memory of what it once was. Paradise is a state of spiritual existence, an atmosphere, a realm of operation that can be created and maintained wherever God’s people choose to honor His presence, values character, and His principles.